# Malayalam Cinema Forum > Literature >  FK EXCLUSIVE:"THE REFLECTIONS" by Sajin Haridas Nair

## Tipper Vasu

Part 1“I always think from where exactly to start and where to end it. I thought, I was a great company for others. I used to steal the show whenever I wanted. Things were never difficult for me. Talking to strangers never made me nervous. I made friends very easily. Life was nothing but fun to me.

My mimicry skills and clownish attitude won me many friends. I was a popular girl in my school owing to my winning numerous awards and honors for my institution in extracurricular as well as scoring good marks in almost all the subjects (except MATHS).

Love for me was a very ‘FILMI’ thing. I thought the concept of love suited Bollywood movies only and nothing like a “True Love Syndrome” existed in the real world. According to me, people who had affairs were BAD students and very BAD sons and daughters. I thought they betrayed their parents every now and then, for their own selfish, personal reasons, which were very difficult for me to comprehend at _that particular time._ I was merely in ninth standard and that’s what Love meant for me.

It was when those green eyes entered my life in a very remarkable and dramatic manner. It was the first ever school trip we had. It was enough to excite me that we would be visiting Rajasthan, “The land of the Kings”. So, we packed our bags and rushed to the railway station. I was so very unlike the other friends of mine, who were excited and elated about guys going along with us than visiting Rajasthan.

It was at the beautiful hill station called “Mount Abu”, where I felt a shiver throughout my body and realized that something unusual was happening to me. I saw those beautiful mysterious green eyes staring at me through a layer of amazing strands of hair running from over the forehead and conveniently ending just on the level of those green eyes. That added even more mystery to the gazing pair. I was fantastically thrilled but shooed away the feeling as a negative one and tried to concentrate on the monuments and their history. I was even taking notes of what our guide was describing about the splendid “Dilwara Jain Temples”.
Whenever, further on, I noticed those intriguing green eyes, they pierced a part of me. The real SHOCK as well as SURPRISE (till then) of my life was yet to arrive. Next evening, we were scheduled to visit the *“Sunset Point”* in Mount Abu. I felt the intense romance in the ambience captivating me. I was surprisingly searching for those green eyes. The thought of it was making me uncomfortable. I was so unsure about myself for the first time in my life.

Then, I noticed, by c_hoice_ of course that amazing pair gazing at me so vividly. It seemed to me as an X-Ray machine, though it wasn’t intended to be that way. I found myself mesmerized by the sight of sun-setting so beautifully down the hills, playing hide and seek with the clouds and gradually disappearing. And even more spellbound with him staring at me with such amazingly high levels of interest. All through those exchange of stares’ episodes, I forgot to hang around by my other classmates, my teachers and even lost track of time. He was looking at me endlessly and finally smiled. It was then, when I noticed a handsome strand of hair falling over on the right half of his forehead again and again and being blown away by the breeze repeatedly. Oh! I so much hated the breeze by then, I swear. The reason behind that hatred was not clear to me by then.  “


Part 2Both of us were left alone (I said alone, as I wasn’t even aware of his name till that moment). I saw him advancing towards me with a very cute smile and it was becoming more and more wide as the distance between us was becoming less wide. It was giving me the best Goosebumps I ever had. He came up to me and with a crisp sense of confidence introduced himself to me pushing out his right hand towards me with an obvious intent of a handshake.

My right hand just didn’t listen to me and poured out against all my coy wishes and shook. Yes! Shook me from within. I noticed that his face had other features as well, like those beautiful luscious lips, that very much proportionate nose and not to mention those perfect pair of green eyes; which definitely, precisely gave my feelings the name of Love. I was very sure then that it was nothing but Love.

“Rahul”, he said, ”Hi! I am Rahul. Can we be friends?” My orthodox heart(the heart then) thumped even harder than 282 beats/minute. Each beat wanted to say, “YES”, but somehow my lips didn’t support me and I answered in the form of a question, “WHY?” He tried to explain his point of view as to why friendship was an integral part of life. He said, ”You are one of the most popular and charming girls of the school. You are a class apart when it comes to debates, poetical recitations and dramatics”. Oh Man!! I was so happy. I realized I have grown up to accept complements from guys, blush severely at the same time and feel glad deep down inside.

A smile flashed on my seemingly frownish face. Rahul reciprocated with a smile. We again shook hands and realized that WE WERE LOST. It was very dark by that time and I was scared like hell. I prayed with all my soul as it was anything but my idea of a perfect vacation to be lost somewhere in the hills of Mount Abu. I was in the midst of a thought hurricane, a very shrilly voice was heard, screaming my name. I turned back and saw my teachers. Their faces were flaunting a strange expression of relief and anger. Mrs. Khajuria asked, “Yashi! What are you doing here? Where were you? And you…What’s your name..Rahul, What are both of  you doing here exactly, Please explain?” I became extremely nervous and answered, “Ma’am, I lost direction and Rahul noticed me going the wrong way. So, he followed me to bring me back. We were on our way back already. I am sorry for the inconvenience Ma’am.” The above statement I made was enough to bring a pat on Rahul’s back. He became so elated after that, earning a friend and a pat within a matter of twenty minutes.

We climbed the bus steps only to encounter the interrogative eyes of all the friends. They were so inquisitive about why we were late?? My best friend would just not leave me alive that day, if I didn’t re enact every moment of that beautiful first meeting.

Our remaining trip passed on with all the glitz and glamour of the first love. Those ten days and ten nights transformed me completely. I felt like a woman, so complete in _most_ of the respects.


Part 3The routine involving schools and studies resumed. Memories would never fade away. The first chirps of the love birds were heard by all the friends. Everything was same except my heart that transitioned from its orthodox form to a novel in-love delicate one. I started believing that not all lies are bad and wrong. I used to visit his home during my tuition timings. It was so much fun and thrill bunking classes to be with him. Once, I went to his home to _study_. He wanted me to give a nickname to him and he would do the same for me. The condition attached was that it would not be shared with even our best friends. I told him to initiate this naming ceremony (_I found it a little stupid)_. He told me since he thinks my lips were the best in the world, he would name me “lips”. I felt awkward at first but it was gradually sinking in on me that maybe guys were like that.
Then, it was my turn. Spontaneous came the reply, “Mahtaab”. He asked, “Mahtaab! What does that mean?” I answered, “Mahtaab means Moon, Stupid”. He said,” Mahtaab is a beautiful name but why did you relate it to me darling?” To this day, I don’t know why at all I named him that.

Life moved on, our half yearly results were out. The grades saw a fall in  their ratings as the hormones grew. Yashi was getting matured certainly. With Rahul around, the natural process of the biological growth saw another perspective. It was somewhere around the winters that year I totally grew up!!!  I realized how different I was from Rahul. I was so disgraced for going through the pain which was only the beginning for any woman. At the same time, I was so jealous of Rahul. “Why me?” was the question I asked over and over again. After a day of leave from school and certain Hindu rituals, my mom told me  that now I had to be even more cautious from boys. She didn’t tell me the exact reason. I dint try to inquire it from her anyways as it was enough of embarrassment for me for a day already.

The phone rang at about 6:30PM. It was Neha. She wanted to know the reason for my not coming to the school that day. She had all the rights to inquire as she was my best friend then. She also did not hesitate to convey Rahul’s message for me stating, “He missed you a lot today”. I missed him as well, I told her. Neha was a very positive, intelligent and eloquent female. We contested against each other in school’s debates and loved to lose from each other. We shared almost all our secrets and silly girl talks were a part of our daily hour-long conversations. I still remember all the anger of the world clubbed up in my Dad’s wrinkled and experienced face, whenever he saw me on the phone. To him, teeny talks were a sheer WASTE (both in terms of money as well as time).

Today, I understand what hard earned money means and how painful it is for the parents to watch their kids waste it. Rahul’s dad also shared my dad’s views but his mom was a lot more liberal than my mom. One fine evening, his mom caught us chit-chatting on the phone. She picked up the extension connecting the same telephone line. There he was, as usual praising my lips and telling me how desperately he wanted to feel those. I was reluctant about it then like most of the shy girls would be. As it had been almost a year (our first anniversary was approaching and we were making big plans for that)

BANG!! I heard a door open at the other end of the phone line and Rahul probably hid the receiver under his quilt but I was able to understand the conversation of my man with his mom.
“Who was that Beta?”
“Who Mom! What are you talking about??”
“Your luscious lips, Who is it??”
“Oh Man!! How….How dddo yyou know this??”
“I heard your conversation darling and I completely understand that you are lonely in your life as I could not give you a brother or a sister. I wish that you begin treating me as a friend from now on as I didn’t even realize that you have grown up to admire girls and even have a girlfriend..”
Then there was a long pause..
“Excuse me Mom! Please don’t call her my girlfriend. It is and indecent word for the lovely relationship we share. SHE IS MY LIFE??”, Rahul said. I had tears of happiness touching my eyelids by that time. I felt the love taking away all the fears in him.
“Rahul! What is her name?”
“Yashi! Yashi is the name mom.”
“I wish to meet her real soon, Beta”
I heard a million church bells ringing in my head.


Part 4Rahul disconnected the phone and called me later that night. He asked me if I could talk. Since my big brother was around, I told him that I would see him the next day and I hung up. I remember staring at the walls the entire night and not being able to sleep at all. For the first time in my life, I was unsure of how I would react when I would meet him. After the morning assembly, we went on to attend our first class on the English language. I couldn’t concentrate on the anyways stupid story of some guy called Babuli and his brothers. Mrs. Surinder could see my lack of mental presence in the class and objected to the same. I somehow did not bother and was continuously gazing at the clock for the bell to ring so that we could all proceed for the P.T period where we could be tortured by our sports teacher Mr. KK whom our seniors called ‘Kukkad’ for the reasons unknown to us. 

I said tortured because he made us run in the hottest of the days for half an hour non-stop. If we halted, he yelled at us like Army Commanders would at their troops. Many girls fainted in the process every week but it didn’t bother him at all. After that sweaty run, we were given half an hour to gossip and chit-chat. That was the part I was actually looking forward to that day. I had to speak to him about the last night’s conversation. 
His mom wanted to see me ASAP. She and his dad were unaware that I visited their home in their absence. Rahul’s dad, being a doctor was out of the house most of the time. His mom was very much involved in her social life. Kitty parties and card clubs were eminent parts of her routine. Her Kitty parties meant a private evening date for both of us in his home. He asked me to meet his mom the following day. I was nervous and scared. Being in love teaches you how to have a perfect blend of emotions most of the times. Butterflies in my stomach gradually increased their size to that of the eagles. I asked Rahul that what I should be wearing for the occasion which was going to change my life forever.

He suggested me to wear a Salwaar-Kameez for the subsequent evening to which I protested. I was a tomboy famous for never wearing a traditional outfit. Not that I had something against it but that I was not very comfortable carrying it. Moreover, I did not possess any Indian suits till then. Finally, it was decided that I would be wearing a decent top and a pair of denims. I clearly remember that skin fit stretchable jeans were in those days and Rahul made me wear a funny looking baggy as he didn’t want any cling-ons on me for the big day.

The next evening finally arrived. I cycled on my magenta colored Miss India bicycle to his house. The basket in front of the bike carried a bouquet I handcrafted myself for his mom. I was very scared as I thought I would not know what to say if she scolds us for not focusing on our studies. Some cells in my body were elated as from that day onwards, our relationship might turn formal. I rung the doorbell and set my blunt cut hair right for about what seemed like a millionth time.

There he was, looking at me from an edge of his eyes and opened the door for me. He was one chivalrous guy who would hold it open until I was completely inside the drawing room. He told me to be comfortable and made me sit on the sofa. I realized I was almost shivering in nervousness. Then with a tray full of snacks and Pepsi entered his mom. I stood up and my hands automatically got folded as a mark of respect. “Namaste! Beta ji. How are you doing?” I noticed a hint of stammer in my voice when I answered her, “I am very fine Aunty, how are you??” She said, “I am fine, darling! Please help yourself with the snacks.” The phone rang and aunty excused herself to receive it. 

Rahul judged that I was not very comfortable and followed his mom. Both of them emerged from the master bedroom in ten minutes. Aunty smiled at me and sat next to me. She ordered Rahul to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water for her. He went away. Aunty asked me about my hobbies and my family members. I told her that my dad is a retired Army officer and my mom is a homemaker. I mentioned about my elder brother who is an engineer and my sister, who is the eldest amongst us all and was a double Masters (MSc in Human Biology and another Msc in Human Molecular Genetics) by then and married to a solicitor in UK. Aunty was really impressed by the social and academic details of the family; I guess as she said, “That means, you must be a great student yourself as well!!” I very much wanted to answer, “I was a great student once but after meeting your son, I just cannot focus on my studies anymore.” 

The conversation evolved and aunty made me feel great about me and Rahul being together. She admitted that she initially thought that Rahul’s love would be split up for her as I was there but after meeting me, she was as elated as Rahul about me being in his life or me being HIS LIFE as he portrayed.

I asked aunty for her leave as it was getting dark. She said, “Beta ji! I have a request. Please do not call me aunty from now on. Please call me Mamma as it was my dream to have a lovely daughter like you and please visit me soon again. It was so amazing for me to know you beta.” I was joyous at hearing what she said and promised her that I would call her ‘Mamma’. We waived goodbyes and I noticed Rahul winking at me secretly and smiling at the same time as they came to see me off.

I went to my bed without finishing my homework and thinking about my first meeting with my would be mom-in-law who was so affectionate and gave my man his pair of green eyes. Rahul had the eyes of his mom (only that I loved Rahul’s pair much more). Her fair and glowing skin and that motherly smile made me wonder if I had seen her before in some TV commercial. I slept over those thoughts and had a very well-deserved sound sleep after two days of no sleep.


Part 5Time flew by and we didn’t realize that the class X board exams were over and the fight began on what stream to opt for Eleventh and Twelfth. I was skeptical to opt for the sciences but my folks just didn’t listen to me at all. To add to the misery, I had an elder sister (who was 13 years older to me) and a brother (10 years older), who were my pseudo parents. I always felt that I was the unluckiest one when it came for me to take permissions for even the minutest of the things. Normally, kids seek permissions from a single set of parents whereas I had to get approval from three sets of parents (mom-dad, sister and Jiju (sister’s hubby) and bro-his fiancée). It was such a pain. To add to my misery, my brother and I shared a lot in common. So, I discovered that he caught most of my lies without any special efforts. Manish (or fondly known as Monu Bhaiya) was always at a vantage point when it came to his dealing with me as from the time when my sister Ritu Didi got married (I was in class VI then) and moved abroad, he became very protective about me. He was very strict with me for most of the things, like the time when I should be home, my hours of studying, the kind of magazines I read (I was never allowed to read Teens Today as Bhaiya thought it to be an inappropriate read for me) and above all, what do I watch on the TV. Of course, my parents always supported him in whatever he said or did as he was himself a great student and a very successful engineer and a businessman.

Those days, a tele serial called “Hip Hip Hurray” got started on Zee TV. It was a privilege to have a cable connection at home then. As I belonged to a family with elder siblings, we had a cable connection with a hell lot of restrictions on it for me. But I somehow managed to finish my homework early every Wednesday and sit in front of TV for HHH as it was very popular amongst all the teenagers, specially the size of the skirts girls wore in their school which can never happen in reality in Indian schools. Once Monu Bhaiya sat with me watching HHH and as soon as the episode finished, he announced that I was not supposed to watch it ever again as it was inappropriate. I remember that I cried to sleep that night and was actually fed up of his Hitler-Raj on me. I woke up with a headache the following morning and got ready for more of the headaches that day and a few more. 

That was the day when my would-be Bhabhi was supposed to visit us and spend a day with us. No matter how Hitler like my brother was, we loved each other to bits and I was not very happy for him getting married. I was jealous of Roopam Bhabhi and thought that she would take my place in his life and Monu Bhaiya ignored me like anything when she was around. She would take the front seat when the three of us went out in our car and it was devastating for me to see someone else sit where I used to. Though Roopam Bhabhi was a great person, my jealousy and insecurity of losing my brother to her never made me feel close to her. Another reason for a headache that day was Roopam Bhabhi’s presence in our lives.

When Bhabhi left for her place that night, over the dining table, I was scolded for not behaving properly and being a problem child. I tried to explain to them that I was no more a child. I wanted to tell them that I even had a lover but bit my tongue for good. Monu Bhaiya insisted on me opting for Non-Medical in another school as my school was short of good Math faculty as per his research. That meant a change of school for me for the next two years. Rahul wanted to choose Medical as he saw a doctor in himself (inspired by his dad) and our current school had the best Biology teachers. I was shattered to think that we would not be in the same school now. I cried like hell that night and did not finish my dinner but my Fauji dad was not affected by such tantrums and my mother declared that I would not be given food for the subsequent day as well as she could never tolerate insults for the food.


Part 6I loved all the subjects except Math, Physics and Chemistry. In other words, all I loved was English and Physical Education. I realized I would have been lot better had I been studying humanities but alas! My family members did not let me study my field of interest but theirs. I missed Mahtaab like anything and hated my new school. I begun hating my life and wanted to run away. I found myself so lonely. So, there I was, in an alien land, trying to struggle my artistic brain with organic & inorganic, differentiation & integration, electricity and magnetism.

Practically, all I enjoyed was literature and nothing else. I regretted following my family’s dreams and not mine. Most of the youngsters believe that only sciences can bring them their share of success. But, in the due course, they forget that God blesses a chosen few with art. My dad thought that since my elder sibs could excel in the sciences, I would and I must do the same. My family members did not see the artist in Yashi and this mistake on their part was enough for them to have a daughter who flunked in Mathematics in Class XI finals. It was such a rude shock for the entire family.

My mom shouted at me at the top of her voice, Monu Bhaiya was all red in anger and terminated his communication with me. Ritu didi was calling up after every half an hour to inquire what is next. I was fortunate enough that my dad was out of station that day as he had gone for his regiment’s raising day celebrations. This fortune was not long lived, though. He returned, all drenched in the highest of his wrath, I had witnessed till that day. He entered my room, where I was trying to rattafy some formulae, stared at me and with his teeth clenched in disgust at watching a failure in front of him yelled, “ YOU BLACK SHEEP of the family!! Come here!!” and hit me hard on my head with his heavy Fauji hand. I lost count of the number of slaps I received after that. All I remember is that I had to meet Rahul the next day to earn his sympathies (He was my only hope). So, I covered my hands and knelt down.  The storm of bashes from my dad would not stop. I managed to turn my back and have the rest of the hits on it. I did not wish to have a black eye the next evening.

My phone rang but I could not gather the guts to answer it. My mom yelled from the kitchen. The cooker’s whistle and her voice got intermingled but I could comprehend that she wanted me to answer the phone. I abided by. “Hello Yashi! Is that you?” It was an elegant female voice at the other end. I answered, “Yes, This is!! May I know who are you??”

The elegant, crisp voice started to show some signs of surprise. “Beta ji!! This is Mrs. Malhotra, Rahul’s mother. I got to know about your result, so thought of calling you.”
Another coin (that too a big one) dropped in my piggy bank of embarrassments. I was taken aback by her call and got ready for another round of scolding but surprisingly, she empathized with me and asked me to focus on my compartment exam which was scheduled the next week. She said, she would be sending off Rahul to his aunt’s place in Delhi to avoid any distractions. I was disheartened but was brave enough to ask, “Can I meet him one last time before he leaves for Delhi?”


Part 7Maybe she understood the desperation in the young girl’s voice to meet the guy she loved and needed the most in her hour of devastation. Yashi was a very sensitive girl and she begun to feel that all except her family members understood this fact. (Most of the adolescents find their harshest of enemies in the form of their parents and in my case, there were three distinct sets.)

Mamma told me that she would be leaving for her club’s meeting that afternoon and I could meet him whenever I wanted. She regretted that she would not be able to see me that day. Rahul was supposed to leave for Delhi, the next morning. I went to his home, again by taking a foolish risk of bunking my tuitions. Love makes you an expert in risking things and situations.

There, he was, my prince charming, feeling all sorry for my failure and not being happy for himself (he scored 92% that year). He escorted me, as always, from the gate till the drawing room. He went to the kitchen to grab the Pepsi cans and the popcorns, he’d made for me. In addition, he had brought a few packets of CRAX (the ringed snack). 

I had tears in my eyes and he sat next to me, held me by my shoulders and wiped off the droplets falling down my eyes. He said, “Yashi! My baby, no matter what, I am with you, now and forever”. He took me in the circumference of his strong arms. I realized that we were extremely close. I could smell his cologne and my soft cheeks could feel his thorny, fresh, young beardy face. The sofa on which we were sitting, was huge enough to handle both of us each of the previous times, we couched on it for a casual movie or chemistry lectures, suddenly seemed too small. Maybe we grew up a little too much.
He whispered in my ear, “I wish to carry the snacks to my bed, along with you.” I nodded, closed my eyes and smiled.

He carried me in his arms and like a graceful gentleman, put me down on his bed. He sat next to me and was playing with my hair. I felt him staring at me with an immense amount of love and passion. I was feeling shy, even to look at him straight in his lovely eyes.
DING-DONG. The culprit was the doorbell.

Part 8It was Rahul’s dad. He needed some papers from home. Rahul went ahead to open the door. Uncle didn’t enter Rahul’s room but inquired about the magenta colored Miss India bike. Rahul told him that it was of a friend who was home to _study_. His dad was in a hurry, so he left. After he was gone, it was time for me to depart. We kissed each other goodbye, smiled at what was almost accomplished. He wished me luck and motivated me to study hard for my compartment exam.

The exam happened. I cleared it just on the boundary. I found Class XII curriculum easier as compared to Class XI. I managed to pass all my exams, in monthly tests and half yearly. The real acid test to sail through Boards was yet to come. I and Rahul decided that we would be focusing on our studies and not on each other now, until the final exams. I gathered myself and got back on track. I studied very hard, day and night. My parents were finally satisfied with my performance. In the meanwhile, Monu Bhaiya’s wedding got fixed up in Feb and I could not enjoy that because of my upcoming final exams in March. 
The exams were finished. We waited keenly for the results. I was hoping not to flunk this time. My dreams came true. I scored 70.4% and was thrilled about it. Rahul got 95% and was among the city toppers in CBSE. I was very happy for him as well as myself. My parents and sibs were cool about my performance. Then, I began to believe that my failure in Class XI was important for my family to lower down their expectation bar. 

Then, came the time for CET (The Engineering Entrance) and the PMT (Medical Entrance) exams. I never wanted to be an Engineer ever in my life but still appeared for the exams. Rahul always wanted to be a doctor. Though, there were only 5 seats in general category for MBBS in CMC and 7 in DMC, Rahul got admission in both of the colleges. He opted for DMC as it was closer to his place. As far as my competition results were concerned, my rank was nowhere near to where I could get through in Computer Engineering or Electronics, even with the defence quota. So, my brother decided that I would be joining BCA (Bachelor of Computer Applications) in a local college in Ludhiana (Punjab). I was happy with the decision as computers fascinated me and I knew I would not be required to study high level Math, Physics or Chemistry. Plus, I and he would be in the same city. 

The college days begun with full enthusiasm and zeal. I got interested in education, once again. My hobbies revived, once again. I was the star poetess of the college, once again. By the second year’s end, I was offered the office of the Editor of the English section of the college magazine. I got back in my form and to add to the happiness, my nephew was born. Ritu Didi was a mother and I was an aunt. It was so thrilling as I was finally elder to someone in the family. The baby was named Raghav and my mom flew all the way to UK to help my sister at the time when she needed her. I was dying to see Raghav. My happiness knew no boundaries.

On the other hand, Monu Bhaiya and Roopam Bhabhi were getting to know each other. Bhabhi was a perfect daughter-in-law, most families would dream of. But, I could somehow not let go of my jealousy and could not share my brother with her. I yelled at her at every possible situation. I felt like a bitch sometimes, but just could not help it. Bhabhi never uttered a word in front of me and she never complained. Gradually, I accepted her and till date, she is my best pal.

Rahul was working hard on his MBBS, studying Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, Psychology, Gynecology and what not. We spent less time together owing to our careers. I was in the third year of my graduation now and started preparing for my MCA entrance. This time, with all my heart and soul in it. I knew, if I had to have my way in terms of my marriage, I had to study hard and secure a good job, else no member of my family would agree for a love marriage. Monu Bhaiya and Ritu Didi both had undergone the tedious process of an arranged marriage. They were too busy to fall in love. 

Mamma was in touch with me consistently and her trust in me strengthened over the years. She admitted in front of me that as soon as Rahul would secure his admission in his Masters from a good college (He was a bright student, so that time was not very far away), she and uncle would visit my place and ask for my hand. Over the years of diligence in our fields of academia, we realized that even if we did not talk for days together, our love only strengthened and did not diminish. My MCA entrance exam went off amazingly and I topped the Punjab state. I could pick and choose the college I wanted. I finally got admission to the University of my choice and proceeded one step towards my personal and professional aim.


Part 9I clearly remember that it was my Masters’ final year and all of us were gearing up for the upcoming placements. Infosys, Wipro, TCS, TechM, Accenture and several other companies were visiting our campus. I was aiming for Infosys as it was the dream company for most of the students. In addition, not many people were satisfying the eligibility criterion for the company. I was among the fortunate ones who met Infy’s benchmarks. Its Mysore campus was a dream destination. Infosys was the first company visiting us that year. Rahul was in internship that year and became a very busy man. It was for the first time that we could not speak much for one full week. He knew I was busy with my studies and competitions and he was learning new things everyday and treating people in the best of his capabilities in the ER.
The PPT for Infosys was amazing. I so much yearned to be a part of it. The exam happened and by the afternoon, results for the written were out. My family members were in touch with me until my phone’s battery died. I was the only one from MCA, apart from 40 students from B.Tech. who could clear the written. The toppers of my class were showing signs of jealousy and disgust. They still managed the fake smiles and wished me good luck for the interview, though silently prayed that I should not get selected. Somehow, God did not pay any heed to their mean prayers and I sailed through as a star by being the first one to be placed, that too with Infosys. It was an amazing feeling, as it made me realize my hidden potential as well as the true colors of many of my classmates.

Next morning was a day full of congratulations and celebrations. Monu Bhaiya and Bhabhi travelled all the way from Ludhiana to Patiala (where I studied), to pick me up. I saw the glitter in the eyes of all my family members and wished to see the same in Rahul’s eyes. I had not told him about my placement till then. Moreover, he was on a night duty. I called him up in the afternoon and asked about his plans. I told him that I was in Patiala as I had *not* cleared my test with Infy. He consoled me and wished me luck for the next exam. I somehow hid my happiness and laughter. I wanted to give him a surprise. He was on a leave that day and would be spending the rest of his day at home. 

I told my Dad that I wished to meet some of my friends that evening and throw a party for them. My dad was elated and handed me about 5K to enjoy my achievement. In addition, he asked Bhaiya to lend me his car for that evening. This happened for the first time in my life that no one in my family sulked on knowing the fact that I would be late that evening. My family was proud of me. My dream of having a great career and an even greater man was soon to come true. 


I went in my brother’s posh car (Not any more, I would visit Rahul on my Miss India) to meet him. I planned a great surprise for him. I carried a large bunch of roses and his favourite chocolates, Ferrero Rochers and DVD of our favorite movie, “Titanic”. I knew he would be the happiest man to have a well settled and employed girl. 

With my heart beating and each beat saying his name aloud, I rushed to his home. I was dressed up in a beautiful black dress. I carried all his presents and for the first time, did not ring the “Ding-Dong” bell. I walked in straight. Through the corner of my eye, I noticed that Uncle and Mamma, both were not there at home. I loved Mamma for having a very active social life. It gave us all the quality time we needed. 
I was lucky that the door was opened. I walked in straight spreading the fragrance of my Polo perfume all over the place. I carried myself forward with my silent footsteps towards his room. What I saw next, was really uncalled for. I saw Rahul in his Boxers lying down on his bed, with a few thick Medical books opened. Lying next to him was Neha (My best friend and Rahul’s classmate in DMC). 

The bunch of roses fell off my hand. The chocolate box hit the wall. They heard that probably. My heart missed, I don’t know how many beats. My tears would not stop. I never imagined seeing my man with my best friend in his bed, with no clothes on him. It was a bigger failure for me that my Class XI compartment. Rahul jumped out of his bed. Neha sat straight. I threw the gifts all over the place and sobbed and sobbed. 


Part 10I sat in the drawing room on the couch. I was genuinely hurt by what I saw. Neha came out of the room and sat next to me. She asked me the reason behind my behavior. I was very angry and chose not to respond and found solace in my tears and continued the process of weeping. 
Neha asked me, “Yashi, What is wrong with you? Why are you over reacting?”
I answered, “Let him come, only then I would utter a word.”
Rahul came and sat in front of me on the carpet. He was clothed then. He held my hand and asked, “Why are you crying?”
I lost my temper and yelled at him,”What would you do, if you saw me in my bed in my bare essentials with Dr. Amit, your friend?” Rahul frowned and said, “Darling! Did you notice something on my body?” 
I answered, “No, you were not naked in front of me, right? Neha must have noticed. By the way, what is it?”
He took off his shirt and showed me his back, it had bruises, and I could not interpret the same. I asked him, “What is it?” Rahul said, I got this weird infection from one of my patients and did not wish to bother you at all as you were busy with your placements. This was hurting me a lot as it is a very painful skin infection.”
My next question was, “Why was Neha here when you were not clothed?”
He said, “Neha came here to study as we have our AIIMS entrance in another ten months. She wanted to have a look at my infection, just on a professional ground. Please, Lips, Please trust me. Do you think, Mahtaab can ever betray you?” Every cell of my body wanted to answer in negative. I  noticed Mahtaab had tears in his eyes. I felt that tears just did not suit him. Neha came forward and swore on her parents that she would never carry such feelings for Rahul. She said,”Yashi! I know what this man means to you and by the way, I want to tell you that Dr. Amit and I are getting engaged soon. He proposed me last week. I wanted you to get a placement and then we thought of throwing a party for you guys. Please Yashi, don’t think that your guy is wrong as I was just trying to analyze his skin disease and nothing else. There would not be a greater sin for anyone than trying to split you guys up. Plus, I am your best friend and how could you even imagine that we would screw up your life.” 

Then it was Rahul’s turn to speak after Neha was done. “Jaanu! You are the only person I love in this world, next to my family. Please never think that I would betray you, that too for another girl. We have been together since last nine years now and as soon as I clear the AIIMS exam, next day, my family would come and seek your alliance for me. I plan to live my life with you darling! I plan to have children with you and I wish to grow old with you, lose my teeth and share the dentures with you and above all, I wish I die ahead of you in your arms. I cannot ask for more than that from God. You know, how much I believe in Mata ji (Durga Mata). I swear on her, that you are the only one for me.”

Which emotional girl would not believe such explanations? I ended up feeling guilty to even doubt my love. I apologized and told all to drop the topic. I disclosed about my placement. Neha sat there for a while and then took our leave. Rahul congratulated me and for the first time, kissed me on my forehead. Since, we grew up together, we never felt the desire to be physically very close to each other as we had other ways to express our love, like watching “Titanic” together, making popcorns and Maggi for each other, serving Pepsi on the rocks and talking for hours together. We gathered the chocolates from the ground and ate them. Rahul was very happy and _decently dressed_.

It was time for me to go home. Rahul came out to see me off and was impressed to see me in my brother’s Honda. He knew I was very fond of posh cars. My brother gave me a call as I stood outside my guy’s home. Bhaiya was sounding panicky. “Yashi! Please visit DMC soon.” I asked him, “Bhai! What is wrong?” He said,”Bachey, your Bhabhi has been taken there.” He disconnected the phone. Bhabhi was eight months pregnant and was instructed not to travel but she did the previous day to pick me up from Patiala. I told Rahul that this is what happened. Rahul grabbed his ID card , hopped in my car and we rushed to DMC. I saw my family really tensed out there. 

For the first time in my life, I realized how important my Bhabhi was for my family and my brother. Their first child was expected. Rahul went straight inside ER. He came out after ten minutes and held my hand, in front of the entire family and announced, “Bhabhi has faced some complications and she needs to be operated immediately. Bhaiya, I would take care of the formalities, Please relax, and we would do our best.” More than the feeling of love, it was the feeling of respect I had for him at that moment and prayed with all my heart that my Bhabhi and the child should be OK. The celeb time was turning into the tension times. I saw him putting on his mask and gazing me with hopeful eyes. They took Roopam Bhabhi to the OT. We were waiting outside and all of us sang our most honest prayers, till then.
It was after about what seemed ages to us and two hours by the clock, the senior gynecologist came out. 

Part 11He said with a grin on his face, “Mr. Manish, were you prepared for twins?” My Bhaiya said, “What Doctor, is my wife OK?” Doctor said, “She is out of danger and has given birth to two healthy twins. It was a miracle that we could save all of them. One of the babies was very serious and has caught pneumonia.” Suddenly, I asked, “Boy or a girl? I mean, boys or girls or whatever?” Doctor smiled and answered, “One boy and one girl. Family completed in one go, well done, young man!” My brother blushed and one by one we all went to catch the glimpse of babies. They were so beautifully cute. We named them Radhika and Uday. I was extremely elated. Rahul walked out of the labor room and congratulated all of us.

My dad asked me, “Who is he? How do you know him?” I replied, “Dad, this is my classmate Dr. Rahul, an internee in DMC and a very bright doctor.” Dad smiled and thanked Rahul for his proactiveness in bhabhi’s case. It was so much fun to have twins. Life was all cool now. 

The babies were cute and silly at the same time. It was the year of babies for us. Then it was Ritu didi’s turn to have a baby girl called Ambika and my parents went to UK to support her. I thought, Rahul and I would give the old couple a break at least for six years. Next year onwards, Rahul would ideally be joining his MS in AIIMS. He was very well prepared for the same. We were just awaiting the entrance. We planned to get engaged after he would clear his AIIMS exam. Then we thought of getting married after three years, when Rahul would be in his MS’ final year. Babies would wait for a while. 

It was fall that year that Ritu didi and Jiju planned to visit India with both the children. I finished with my Masters and moved to New Delhi for my six-month industrial training. It was a great learning experience. I used to visit Ludhiana every weekend. Twice a month, I met Rahul and we planned our future real well. By that time, Mamma told Rahul’s dad as well about me and then, I was universally accepted as a very intelligent daughter-in-law of the family. After all, Infosys was a company all the oldies in India knew and bragged about, if their kids worked for it. 

We had a lot of fun when Didi was here. It was a family reunion. Didi got three NRI alliances for me and I shared with her that I don’t wish to settle abroad. I gave her reasons like I was against brain drain and what not. She was convinced and after about a month of fun and frolic in India, left for UK. She wished me good luck for Infosys and admitted that the entire family was proud of me, at last.

It was one of the sought after weekends in winters that one of my friends from Delhi accompanied me. Her name was Tanu. She knew about Rahul’s presence in my life. She was very keen on meeting him. I used to brag about his lovely eyes in front of all my friends. I fixed up a meeting for Tanu, Rahul and myself.

Tanu was a flirt kind of a girl. Our ground rules never matched. She was my roomie and was a very hip kind of a person. She used to booze hard, go on night outs, danced like an item girl. She had all the fun in her life that I never had. She changed her guys like her dresses. They sponsored her meals, dresses and what not. Despite of all this, we shared a strong bond. The dissimilarities in terms of ground rules were there, for sure. But there was something that made us good friends. I do not know what it was. Maybe, secretly, I wanted to have the fun she had, as well. 

So, there we were, at Colonel’s cabin, a famous pub in Ludhiana. I was scared to death to visit a pub and took a promise from Tanu that she would exercise controlled drinking. What happened next, came up as a surprise as well as a shock of my life.



Part 12Tanu ordered one large Smirn Off for herself and we ordered a Pepsi pitcher. Once she was done with her drinking, we all went to the dance floor. I saw the door of the disc opened and a familiar structure entered. Since, all of us were busy in dancing, I didn’t pay much attention. Rahul and I were in a close, cuddly dance posture and were enjoying the music. Tanu, as expected had already fetched herself a hunky company. I never understood how she did it with tremendous ease. Her extreme good looks were definitely an asset for her in this regard. I never wanted to learn the art of flirting from her as I was very serious with the Rahul. When Rahul was with me, I never felt the need of any other person in my life (of course, family is an altogether different category). 

I felt a tap at my back. It was a familiar touch. I turned back and in the disco lights, I saw an angry face of Monu Bhaiya. I felt me being held by the hand and dragged outside the pub. Rahul, the courageous followed me. Tanu was high on vodka and continued her item girl dance. Bhaiya took Rahul and me to his car, opened the doors by his Autocop remote and instructed us to get in. He drove away. After ten minutes of a silent and violent drive, he parked the car to the left of the road, turned on the hazard lights, pulled up the hand brakes and after putting the car in neutral, gave me a frosty nosed stare. He asked me, “This is the same doctor, who held your hand the other day in front of all of us, right?” I realized, it was time for me to speak up. I said, “Yes Bhaiya.” 

“Since when this crap is happening? Be honest with me.” I chose to remain silent. Bhaiya looked up to him in the back seat and inquired, “Where do you live?” Rahul answered, “Bhaiya! #232, Block C, Sarabha Nagar.” Bhaiya asked him,”Are your parents aware?” He answered in affirmative. 
I could feel that Bhaiya was badly hurt. With trembling lips, I asked him, “What brought you there, Bhai?” Bhaiya clenched his teeth and answered, “None of your business!!” Bhaiya drove back to Colonel’s cabin, dropped Rahul there and there was Tanu, standing outside, red in anger, waiting for us. Bhaiya told me to give her my car keys and come home in that. I did not wish that Bhai create a scene in front of her but did not have the guts to vent out after the ordeal that we faced. Rahul stood there, Tanu followed our car as she wasn’t sure of the routes in Ludhiana. I was scared to death. What if Bhaiya would go home and announce what he just saw! I would be a dead duck. Dad would shoot me, Mom would shout at me. Maybe Bhai read my mind. He said, “When and where is your joining with Infy expected?”
“I don’t know Bhaiya, maybe in late Nov this year. It will be Mysore, for sure.”
“I want you to concentrate on your job Beta as this is your age when you can learn. Everyone has to get married. I understand that you must have been lonely in your life as all of us were busy in establishing my business empire, so that we could give you and the other kids a comfortable life. Dad would really be hurt if he gets to know what I saw tonight. There is almost a double generation gap between you and Mom-Dad, so I understand why you went astray. Moreover, I don’t have any hard feelings for that doctor of yours, but please consider all the options before you make a final decision. I don’t want you to be carried away by your emotions and make a hasty decision.” 

“What do you feel I should do, Bhaiya?” I said to calm down things a bit.
“He needs to establish himself before he can think about you and you should also have a wider exposure. Let me speak to his parents tomorrow first.” 
I heard what bhai just said and got really scared as it was a very big thing for me to be caught like that.
“Bhaiya, would you support me, if he gets selected in AIIMS. You know, he is preparing really well for his upcoming MS entrance exam.”
“I could see that, Yashi! The kind of preparation that young man had for his exam.”
“Please Bhaiya, he is a great guy and I wish to marry him and no one else.”
We reached home. Bhaiya did not utter a word in front of the family. Tanu was drunk, so she went to my room straight and slept. Fortunately, she did not create any scene in front of my folks. Maybe it was her stamina of boozing that kept her going. 
Next morning, Tanu had to leave for Delhi and I was told to stay back as per my brother’s instructions. Now my Bhabhi also knew about the doctor in my life. They decided to meet his parents and took me along the next evening. I was told to arrange a meeting. Rahul and I were badly tensed as it was the testing time for us and our love. We decided not to lie about anything. I got dressed up for what was the first formal family meeting. Dad and Mom had no clue about anything that was going on. Rahul’s family invited us for dinner. His mom was a great cook and I had absolutely no doubts that she would convince Bhai and Bhabhi. After all, if Bhaiya would agree, everyone else automatically would be convinced as he had amazing articulation and negotiation skills. He is an expert in making any situation a win-win for him. SO, secretly, I was counting on him for his approval. Indian youth seeks approval for anything and everything that has to be done. I sometimes feel that we forget to follow our heart in seeking permissions.
We went to their home. Mamma had decorated it beautifully and we were given a very warm greeting. The twins were toddlers then and were playing with things here and there. Bhabhi had to follow them everywhere as they became experts in breaking things. They were extremely naughty and made the tension in the environment diluted. Then came the real question by Bhaiya, “Uncle, I am a very straightforward person. So, I would like to ask you about your views on Yashi’s and Rahul’s relationship. I was told that both of you know about it.” His dad said, “Mr. Joshi, I would want to say that we really like Yashi and we want her to be a part of this family. Rahul and Yashi make a great couple and we do not have any demands except that Rahul has to appear for his AIIMS entrance next month and his result would be out in a week. We can have the engagement ceremony after that.”
Mamma said, “She is a girl, who is my son’s life and since both the kids will be well settled soon, we should be happy in whatever they are happy with.”
It was my brother’s turn to speak. “Rahul, If you clear your AIIMS entrance, only then this marriage can happen as in our family, education is very important. I would be able to convince my dad, only if you get admitted in MS. For your knowledge, Yashi is already getting alliances of the biggest of industrialists as well as very well educated NRIs. But, trust me I will manage everything, if you get through in your exam. Last but not the least, I like you as a person and a professional as you played a vital role in handling Roopam’s emergency.”
Rahul was trying to smile when Bhabhi said, “She would be working with Infosys and they do not have a DC in Delhi. So, how will we resolve that issue.” There was pin-drop silence for a while. None of us had thought about it before. Rahul was the only child of his parents. He had to be at a reachable distance from his home. His dad had a great practice in Ludhiana.
Everyone looked confused. 
<<To Be Continued>>

Part 13I said, “Rahul might want to get settled in Chandigarh as Infy has a DC in Chd and we have PGI there as well.” Bhabhi was satisfied with the answer.
His dad said, “I like you family’s straightforwardness. We certainly do not have any problem with them settling in Chandigarh. At least, it is nearer to Ludhiana than Delhi. Rahul smiled and agreed to the proposal. So, everything was set. All of us were sure that this marriage would happen. Rahul didn’t talk much to me as he had better reasons to clear the exam now. I didn’t disturb him either. It was my birthday, the next week and I decided to celebrate it in Delhi with Tanu and other friends. I informed him of the same. My treat was going on in CP, when I saw Rahul entering with a bunch of red roses. He was dressed to kill in his navy blue suit. Oh! I felt, I fell in love with him once again. He hugged me and said, two more week to go lips, I would be staying at my aunt’s place tonight and I have to visit AIIMS tomorrow to submit some documents. I wanted to give you a surprise and so I asked Tanu where you guys would be celebrating. So, here I am. I thank my pretty saali for this. He winked at Tanu in a friendly manner. Tanu, as expected, was high on her Smirn Off this time as well. We sat and all of us were talking. Tanu said, “Doctor Saab! This girl praises about your eyes a lot. What is the color of your pair, if I may ask?” I was taken aback at the question as it was inappropriate.
Rahul answered the drunken woman by removing his rimless specs and flaunting his eyes, “Please help yourself by judging the color on your own.” The flirt in both of them came out and they giggled. Suddenly, I felt jealous as never before. Rahul probably didn’t even realize that he had hurt me. I cleared the bill and walked out of the restaurant. Rahul followed me and with innocent expressions on his face, asked me, “Can I not joke with anyone? I am all yours but I don’t understand that why do I have to prove it again and again?”  I had tears rolling down my eyes and I was extremely angry at him. I said, “That’s what. You never understand. You know what your eyes mean to me and you were flaunting it just like that. I feel possessive about you and I don’t not wish to share you with anyone else. I am feeling miserable, Rahul.” Rahul pointed out to a locket of Mata ji in the chain, I was wearing. He said, “I will try my best never to disappoint you. Please forgive me one last time. Then we displayed extreme emotions. I was never angry with him to this extent. In a fit of rage, I said what I should never have,” Rahul! You are dead for me.” I said this and rushed to my home.
Rahul called me later that night and said,”Lips! I am leaving for Delhi tomorrow. I am sorry for the behavior which you considered inappropriate but babes! Please never say things, the burden of which you cannot carry for the rest of your life.” I apologized and wished him a happy journey as I did not want to disturb or distract him in his preparations for his (rather our) exam. 

Two weeks later, the D-Day arrived. We planned that I would be there waiting for him outside AIIMS. It must be mentioned that Rahul was an extremely punctual fellow. I was worried that I would have to be ready in time for my wedding; else he’ll eat my head up. He hated to reach or receive late. His exam was scheduled at 1 PM-3 PM slot. He was supposed to reach AIIMS main gate by 11 AM. I had taken a day off and just three days back got my joining with Infosys, two months later. He was elated to know that. It meant, in any case, we would be engaged in the coming two months, before I would leave for Mysore. Everything was so settled up. I was reciting Durga Chalisa as I waited for him there, holding my mobile phone. The last message I received from him was at 9 AM, “Reached Panipat, Darling! Two more hours, and Ill be there. It’s a little foggy here but don’t worry, Chimpu is driving really well.” I replied, “Waiting for you desperately. Will Reach AIIMS by 10:30. Love you to bits, honeybunch.”
Neha and Amit had already reached and met me at the gate. They were engaged then and came in Shatabdi as they had to study on their way. I wished them luck and looking tensed, they said, “We really know, from the bottom of our hearts that Rahul is going to make it. We are here just for an experience, but Rahul will definitely do it. So, just chill.” They continued digging their noses in their large books.” 
The thoughts of past and present were crossing my mind. I was imagining and planning the upcoming evening with Chimpu and Rahul. Chimpu was Rahul’s first cousin, who was always treated as the real sib in his house. He was a sweetheart in all respects. He addressed me as Bhaabhoo lovingly. 
The clock struck 12:45. Amit and Neha along with about hundred others went inside the examination hall. Rahul was late. I was trying his phone desperately but every time it was a lady in a happy tone, “Its unreachable.” I was pissed off to the max. I thought that he must have entered form the other gate. At the same time, I was worried for his safety.” I was in my thought hurricane that my phone buzzed, “Mamma calling…”
I answered the phone, “Namastey Mamma. Rahul has not reached. Do you have any information?”
Mamma sounded visibly upset and asked, “Bachey! Are you alone out there or is someone there with you?” 
“Mamma! What happened?? I am waiting for him here and you know, he is already late.”
“Beta ji! Please go home as Rahul entered the hall from the other gate and told me to tell you. Call me when you reach home?” 
“Mamma, he cannot do it. He promised me, he would see me first and then he would appear for the exam.”
“Beta ji! He tried your phone but it was busy all the time. He was getting late for the exam and so he told me to tell you.”
“Ok, Mamma, I’ll call you when I reach home.”

I was frowning all through my drive back home. I did not like the way he treated me that day. I was angry at  Chimpu’s driving as well but at the same time, wanted him to clear the exam so that we could proceed further in life. I reached home and called up Mamma, I could hear weird noises in the background. Mamma asked me, if someone else was around me or not. I answered that just my maid was there. Mamma spoke what was really not expected. “Beta ji! Rahul and Chimpu met with an accident near Sonepat. A truck hit their Zen. I am sorry I lied to you but I had to send you home somehow. Beta ji! His dad and Chachu (uncle) have left for Sonepat and are on their way back.” Then, for the first time, I heard Mamma sobbing.
 I asked, “Mamma, when did this happen?” 
“Around 10 AM beta and we got to know about it in fifteen minutes.
It was 3 PM already and I disconnected the phone. I could not think for the next few hours. I wanted to go to Ludhiana but could not move. I was taken to the hospital as I collapsed. The same AIIMS, where I wished to see him in a lab coat and his stethoscope; I was being treated by a bunch of strange docs.
They said, nothing was wrong with me. Tanu, Amit and Neha were there with me. All were upset at knowing that he could not make it. More than my wedding, I wanted him to survive that mishap.
I was lying down like a dead body on my bed. Neha, Amit and Tanu surrounded me. “Dr. Gagan..Calling”
She was one of our common friends and was a dentist in Christian Dental College. Rahul and Chimpu were admitted to DMC. Gagan told me that Chimpu was declared Dead On Arrival. Rahul has suffered severe head injuries and was in a state of coma. 
I was so shocked that I could not even cry. Yashi, who was known as the weeping beauty, had no tears at all. She was shell shocked and too overwhelmed to react.
Neha took the phone from my hand and told Gagan to keep us informed. It was cold, chilly night in late winters. I finally got up at 12:45 AM to use the restroom. I was inside when I heard my phone buzzing. I rushed outside quickly and it was Gagan. I picked up the phone. All I could hear was screams and noises. Gagan was sobbing and was not speaking at all. Gagan was shouted at by me, “Please hurry up and let me know, how is he? How is my green eyes? How is my Mahtaab?” 
There was a long silence from the other end and following the silence was Gagan’s words, “Yashi, I am sorry. He could not be saved. He is gone.”
I screamed at the top of my voice. My 11 years of relationship was snatched in a split second by the cruel hands of destiny. I was a mere spectator in my life’s drama. I could not think, could not speak, could not cry and owing to my health, I was not in a condition to travel to Ludhiana.
I wanted to speak to Mamma, “How are you, Mamma?” I asked, “How can I be, Yashi! My world is shattered. His dad has gone to get the body?” I forgot my manners and yelled at her, “For Heaven’s sake, Mamma! He has a name. He is not a body. He is Yashi’s Mahtaab.” Mamma disconnected the phone. Though my friends were there, they failed to comfort me. Gagan called up the next morning and told me that Rahul and Chimpu are being taken for cremation. It was then that I cried. I never imagined him being burnt. He hated fire, I remembered. I told Neha to convey this to Mamma but she understood that I was bound to react this way. All she said was, “Babes! All of us understand, what you are going through, but you should also understand that no matter what, your depression and grief can never match his parent’s levels of despair. They have lost their only child.” It sunk in me that whatever Neha was saying was correct and that I had two options there on. One was to kill myself and be free from every misery and the second one was to live my life and fight a battle every day from there on.
I never imagined my life without him. He was cremated. It was only after a week I was discharged. Then Amit, Neha and I went to Rahul’s house in Ludhiana. Same house, Same Parents but many differences. I entered the drawing room and the picture of me being carried up in a bridal lehnga to his room in his arms was shattered to bits by his life size poster in the same Navy Blue suit, which he wore for my birthday a few days back behind a garland of red roses. I felt  his green eyes piercing every cell of my body from behind his garlanded portrait. 
I regretted my words, “Rahul! You are dead for me!” more than anything else in my life.
Mamma was inconsolable but a lady of immense strength she was. She asked me to be bold and know that he was just right there besides us.
I wanted to believe her but I could not. I chose the second option. I am fighting each day as a battle now. I am in Chandigarh DC of Infosys. Everything is same but Mahtaab is gone or I must say, I don’t see him physically though, he is here by my side, helping me in making the right choice of words for  “Reflections” and helping me in replying appropriately to all my critics as well as admirers.
I would conclude that I am one of the very lucky few, who had the touch of love in their life. I can spend the rest of my life but can never forget him and his eyes. I watch the reflection of the moon every night in the swimming pool and smile at him. It has never happened that he forgets to return my smile.

Thanks and Regards
Yashi and Mahtaab
P.S. “Please never say things, the burden of which you cannot carry for the rest of your life.”

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## salu

aranu ee Sajin Haridas Nair....? :Thinking:

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## Harry

> aranu ee Sajin Haridas Nair....?


Tipper vasu  :Chairhit:   Saijuvumaayulla chat onnum kandille?

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## salu

> Tipper vasu   Saijuvumaayulla chat onnum kandille?


njngal vinu annan fans athonnum nokkarilla..... :Kicking:

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## plk

ok vayikkatte......congrats tipperetta..

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## Rohith

kure undalle... vayichit parayaam anna....

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## Sameer

ithu episodes aayi vayikkendi varum  :Unsure: 
Thanks vasu anna, will let u know once finished

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## asuyalu

thanks annaa ... kurachu time eduthaanelum vaayikkam  :Yes:

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## plk

tipper........ithu novel aanennalle paranjee...

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## Tipper Vasu

> tipper........ithu novel aanennalle paranjee...


Yes Dude.Novel Thanne

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## plk

> Yes Dude.Novel Thanne


njan ippo irinnu pakuthi vayichu........baaki pinne vayikkam..computerinte munnil iunnathu mathinnu veetil paranju :Kicking: 

anyways....reflections complete ivide koduthitundoo....athoo only a part of it..print cheytu varumbo ethra pages undu.. :Gunsmilie:

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## Tipper Vasu

> njan ippo irinnu pakuthi vayichu........baaki pinne vayikkam..computerinte munnil iunnathu mathinnu veetil paranju
> 
> Anyways....reflections complete ivide koduthitundoo....athoo only a part of it..print cheytu varumbo ethra pages undu..


*

reflections is a collection of short stories with different emotional reflections.other parts wud be available with the book.this one is to rate the author in me.*

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## Aromal

ee essay  muzhuvan vayikkan time illa..

aarelum onnu churukki parayamo

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## plk

tipperee, story vayichu(the first one . :Sailor: )

collection of short stories aanengil ok..i was wondering how it could fit into a novel.anyways expecting the other ones..

whats the title of yashi's story.. :Secret: 

anyways..the story is fine. :thumleft: .thudakkthil kurachu kandu madutha painkili story aayi feel cheythuvengilum ur language is good which makes it an interesting read...chila dialogues okke super aayirinnu.. :thumright:  :thumright: .kurachu humour koodi cherthirinnengil kikidu aayene.. :Read: (depends on the reader)

last nayakan marichathu nannayi. :Giveup: ..nayika koodi marichirinnengil kurchum koodi bheekaratha vannene. :Devil: ..but athu balyakalasaghi approach aayi poyene..anyways you did it briliantly :Victory:  :Victory: 

but oru doubt.aiims exam ezuthi kazinju oru weekinullil result varumoo.. :geek: 

anyways expecting the other stories soon.ennaanu reflections publishing.(cost ethraya :Whistling: )

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## plk

> ee essay  muzhuvan vayikkan time illa..
> 
> aarelum onnu churukki parayamo


churukki parayamayirinnu... :Whistle1: 
pakshe paranjaal tipper enne kollum. :Thumbup:  :Thumbup: 
mashinu ente shavam kananoo.. :Speak to the hand:

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## Tipper Vasu

> tipperee, story vayichu(the first one .)
> 
> collection of short stories aanengil ok..i was wondering how it could fit into a novel.anyways expecting the other ones..
> 
> whats the title of yashi's story..
> 
> anyways..the story is fine..thudakkthil kurachu kandu madutha painkili story aayi feel cheythuvengilum ur language is good which makes it an interesting read...chila dialogues okke super aayirinnu...kurachu humour koodi cherthirinnengil kikidu aayene..(depends on the reader)
> 
> last nayakan marichathu nannayi...nayika koodi marichirinnengil kurchum koodi bheekaratha vannene...but athu balyakalasaghi approach aayi poyene..anyways you did it briliantly
> ...



*Ithu love enna emotion annu.So had to add some painkilli.No other go.
Other emotions i have conceived is

Affection* *
Lust
Violence
Anger
and
Happiness.

Publishing date wud be confirmed on 20 may.I will be in delhi for it.Total cost of first copy bluprint is 21K INR.* *
Bidding with Rupa&Co for it.But i think they wont be paying anything other than sales incentives.But its ok wen taking to consideration that this one is my first work.*

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## Tipper Vasu

*going to delhi with the blueprint of reflections this wednesday.will be releasing this most probably on 22 june.at last a dream come true for me.thanks one and all who have given me their valuable suggestions.i wud mention forumkerala in my preface.thanks all  my dear friends*.

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## ClubAns

*Oro paragraph-nu shesham oru blank line ittirunrnkil vaayikkan eluppamayene............
*

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## Tipper Vasu

> *Oro paragraph-nu shesham oru blank line ittirunrnkil vaayikkan eluppamayene............
> *


*Done it dude*

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## plk

All the very best tipperetta.reflections valyoru success avatte.one of the first to read enna ahangarathode parayunnu.and appreciate ur gesture of thanking us

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## Tipper Vasu

> All the very best tipperetta.reflections valyoru success avatte.one of the first to read enna ahangarathode parayunnu.and appreciate ur gesture of thanking us


*
Thanks my first reader.*

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## kandahassan

thalle tipper vasu thala pokki thudangi :Scooter:  :Scooter:

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## lovetera

Good Story!!!!!!!!!!!

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## Tipper Vasu

> Good Story!!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks dude

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## B I L A L

najnum onnu vayichu nokattee.....

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